Raising Purity

Sexual purity tops the list of desires that most Christian parents have for their children. But we live in a world where sexual purity has begun to seem almost unattainable. The fact that we even ask the question, “How far is too far?” should indicate that we’ve misunderstood God’s purpose for sex.

In his new book, Raising Purity, Gerald Hiestand answers this question in a way that probably seems counter-cultural even to most Christian parents. Hiestand asserts that God has designed sex in such a way that any expression of sex before marriage is too far.

The most helpful thing about Hiestand’s book is that he takes time in the opening chapters to build a theology of sex. Hiestand demonstrates that sex within marriage is actually intrinsically linked to the gospel in the scriptures: “Ephesians 5:28-32 pointedly describes the sexual relationship within marriage as an image of the sexual relationship between Christ and the church.” The union that a husband and wife experience as they “become one” physically is a picture of the way Christ and the Christian become one spiritually.

For too long the church’s attempt to keep young people away from the forbidden pleasures of sex has been rooted in warnings about the dangers of sexually transmitted disease or the ruin that an unwanted pregnancy brings upon the life of a teenage girl. The problem with this approach is that we are addressing the issue of sex as if God’s commands have only to do with what works best for humanity. Any teenage boy convinced that God only wants what works best for him will happily decide in the heat of passion that what works best for him in that moment is to give in his sexual desires.

By rooting sex within the gospel Hiestand addresses the issue of sex on the divine plane rather than just on the human plane:

“God’s major intent in creating sex was that it serve as a living witness of the spiritual reality of Christ’s oneness with the church. Knowledge of this higher reality then helps us understand how we should behave within the realm of earthly reality. In other words, our sex lives should be patterned after the way in which Christ and the church relate spiritually. Viewing sexuality from this framework not only explains how we should act but also why we should act in a certain way.”

The young man’s single-minded devotion to his future bride must be consistent with the way Christ reserves himself spiritually with a single minded devotion for the church.

Once sex has been understood in this way one can then navigate more easily through other questions that once seemed difficult. Hiestand spends three chapters addressing the issue of dating and relationships. Here he points out that there are three categories of relationships in the scriptures: family, neighbor and marriage. Since the Bible does not recognize dating as a distinct category of relationship it is helpful to consider all forms of sexual interaction from within these three categories. It is clear in the bible that sexual interaction is strictly forbidden within the categories of family and neighbor. Within marriage however sexual activity is not only allowed but commanded.

To answer the question, “How far is too far?” one needs only see that dating falls into the category of the neighbor relationship. Whatever amount of sexual interaction that God considers to be appropriate with our neighbor will also be appropriate with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Only by suggesting that dating is more than a neighbor relationship can we try to allow some level of sexual expression. In doing so, we have made dating distinct from God’s design for relationships and the answer to the question becomes up for debate.

Hiestand goes on to address other issues related to sexual purity like movies, music and dances relating each issue back to the question of the God’s original intent for the sexual relationship within the gospel. In doing so, the answers become much more black and white.

Many, even within the church, will squirm as they read Hiestand’s conclusions. Some may even set his book aside and write it off as a relic of an era long passed. But a careful reader who is willing to be like the Bereans in Acts 17:11 will find it difficult to take issue with this book. In the end I think it will be clear that God’s standard for sexual purity is much higher than most of us have previously thought. And yet, God’s purpose for sex is actually much more beautiful than many have previously imagined.